Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
