My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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