Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
