I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
