She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
