puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
