my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have demons in me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
