I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
