Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
