Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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