do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
