I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
being pregnant is like rehab
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
