It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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