I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he shaved USA in his pubs
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
