You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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