Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
