It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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