i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
