who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
