I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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