And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
