Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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