If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
