like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
