Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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