I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
