Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Your dad touched me again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
