I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My feet surprised me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
