just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
