woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
