the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
