She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
