and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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