Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do vagina's smell?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
