Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
