I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
