Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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