so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
