If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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