my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
