I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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