Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
