Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
