Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Cold hands, warm shart.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'

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(810): View more from Michigan

woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL

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(613): View more from Ontario

I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.

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