I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
