yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
