If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
