I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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