why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
