There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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