Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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