i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
